and the tears come... craaaashinn'

the year is coming to a close
it's ending
forever in the hands of history
the best year of my life
is over

i've always felt excited for new year's, every year
but this time i'm quite melancholy
this year progressively got better and better with each day, month..
many milestones were set
i acheived many things
i reached goals
i let music save me
i went to 11 concerts
i met Andrew for the first time, and 2 other times after that
and it was MORE than i could ever ask for with him
i had 2 great vacations, ones that will be engraved in my memory forever
i learned who my true friend(s) are
i gained one friend who taught me the important things
i needed her badly in my life
she understands EVERYTHING.

i had a really bad anxiety attack tonight.
i had really bizarre thoughts about life and it's purpose
and how we're just gonna die in the end
and i got so worked up that i ended up in fetal position crying
trigger?
my friend's little 6 year old cousin who just had a brain tumor removed found out she has cancer.
she's starting chemo next week.
6 years old.
WHY.

i would make a list of the things that defined 2008 for me.. but its way too long.
so i wish everyone a Happy New Year..
let me go make a list in writing
i'll finally get to see where my headspace is at

oh, podcasts.