a human 2 minutes.

My house is still decorated with streamers and
movie-quote posters and
red & black balloons and
a lot of pictures of Edward & Bella.

I just watched all the special features. I feel good.

I've been spending some quality time
with "Leaving Through the Window"
and realized that this September is
Something Corporate's 10 year anniversary.

That cute kid in my Advanced Topics in Social Psych class
spoke to me before our midterm and it made me happy.
He's cuter, now.

I've been writing a lot. A lot.
Most of it being my (shh) fan fiction (untitled as of now)
It's my other blog ( racingthedark.blogspot.com )
Writing it really takes my mind of things and I love it.

That's really it.

cute.

the cute boy from my Wednesday class just walked into the library.
wearing that same dark green/tan vest he always wears
and his Hurley hat, on backwards, but still genuine as can be
he sat down at a computer
opened his email
and printed out a paper
midterm week, rawr
now he's getting up and slinging his school bag over his shoulder
he walked over to the counter where the staplers are
and pierced through the thick sheets with a punch
now he's walking down the stairs. . .

that was completely unnecessary.

slow down.. .

...this night's a perfect shade of
dark blue, dark blue

it's snowed 10 inches here 2 days ago
and in 3 days it's going to be 64.

this music is glaring into my eardrums
background music to my movie
yes, it's Andrew's voice, of course
and people in the library are all typing quickly
the random tapping of the typing
sounds like a small waterfall
now I'm thirsty

the future freaks me out, to be totally honest.

live forever

there was panic in your eyes
i watched the cigarettes burn through
all my thoughts were paralyzed
the starlight a gloomy blue

there was an urgent quiet call
an ultimatum for my choice
i heard every single sound
distinguishing your perfect voice

& have you
ever
wished you would live forever?
yes, i have
i have
because in that
moment
we were both together
but now
you're gone, somehow

the lights turned from red to green
i raced home to just be late
spitting lies out through my teeth
my conscience gone in outer space

i know at night it's hard to try
paving roads that don't exist
but if you hear the tears i cry
you'll find exactly what you missed

& have you
ever
dreamed you would live forever
yes, i have
i have
but now i
realize
it was just so we'd be together
but now
you're gone, somehow

so take your life
and waste it somewhere else
and call it quits
cause i can't pretend
that we're still friends
when the past just paints
our bitter end
again

but have you
ever
wished you would live forever?
long before,
you came breaking down my door...

everthing in transit.

There's something about driving on a rare, warm, and sunny day
while listening to Everything In Transit.
It puts me back where I belong, where I'm supposed to be.
It reminds me who I am.
It's just comforting, defining.

It's perfect.

FURTHER

FROM THE EARTH.

4/21.

& i wait.

anxiety words. attack from the inside.

sit.
ache.
twist.
twist it out of me.
it's twisting internally.
bend.
try to mend.
mending doesn't lend
any helping hand
like fingers through the sand
i'm helpless and i'm changing
facets come to life
turning over
from a coma
repressed in my own mind
stand.
ache.
twist.
twist it out of me.
it's twisting internally.
thump thump thump
the race is getting heavy
my forehead's cold and sweaty
thump thump thump
i curl into a ball
secure, at least i feel
something at all
lodged inside my throat
thump thump thump choke
blood rushing through my veins
cars rush along the lanes
and then they crash
ache.
twist and turn and crash.
thump. thump.
thump.
shaky hands.
glassy eyes.
you're back again what a
fucking surprise.